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Week Eleven…

The New England Patriots released Nicolas Grigsby and Kenjon Barner earlier this week…and signed Ramon Humber.  Awesome.  The Bruins are down to their 27th defenseman because of injuries.  And the Blowhard is writing this piece on several mai tais and maybe some other alcoholic beverages on top of that.

I thought you all should know this.  However, none of these will affect the quality of the picks below.  I can assure you of this.

Tennessee at Indianapolis (-2.5) 

The Titans have had a couple of nice wins in a row.  But I am not sure they are really that good.  The Colts may not be that good either.  But they have been hot as well.  Divisional tilt.  May actually be a good one.  I won’t watch, but still…

Indianapolis 27, Tennessee 21.

Pittsburgh (-5.5) at Jacksonville

It’s awesome that the Jags are 3-6.  Love it.  We think the Steelers roll, but I suppose it wouldn’t surprise us if the Jags actually woke up at some point.

Pittsburgh 37, Jacksonville 20.

Cincinnati at Baltimore (-3.5)  

We won’t make the mistake of backing the Bengals again anytime soon.

Baltimore 24, Cincinnati 20.

Dallas at Atlanta (-3.5) 

I don’t think anyone has any idea what to make of these teams.  But does anyone even care?

Atlanta 28, Dallas 24.

Houston (-2.5) at Washington

How are either of these teams 6-3??

Washington 23, Houston 21.

Carolina (-3.5) at Detroit

Carolina is 5-0 at home, but unfortunately, this game is on the road.  That being said, they should handle the Lions.  Why?  I don’t know.

Carolina 30, Detroit 17.

Tampa Bay at New York Giants (-0.5) 

FITZMAGIC!!!!  How many 400 yard games does he have this year?  That being said, he threw for 400 plus last week and the Bucs scored a total of three points.  How is that possible??

Tampa Bay 24, New York Giants 13.

Oakland at Arizona (-4.5)

Yuck.

Arizona 10, Oakland 3.

Denver at Los Angeles Chargers (-7.5)

There is a 4 game difference in the standings between these two teams.  The Chargers are good, but it seems like the spread is a little bloated.  The Broncos ain’t that good, but are the Chargers?

Los Angeles Chargers 23, Denver 20.

Philadelphia at New Orleans (-7.5)

PHILLY PHILLY!!  F PHILLY!! Screw them.  The Saints may be a juggernaut.  And in this game, I hope they keep it rolling.  In a big way.

New Orleans 72, Philadelphia 13.  (Ok, more like NO 38, Phil 24, but I like the original idea better).

Minnesota at Chicago (-2.5) 

The Bears have a better record through Week 10 than the Vikes.  Not by much, but still.  Didn’t see this one.  But a Viking win changes all that.

Minnesota 20, Chicago 17.

Kansas City at Los Angeles Rams (-2.5)  

MEXICO CITY!!  Oops…wait.  L.A.  Ok, sorry.  But this Mexico City and London nonsense, Bobby Kraft Israeli football league crap…any of this stupidity.  ENOUGH!!  There is a reason this sport is called “American Football”.  Not everyone in the world likes it.  And this worldwide expansion idiocy is just that…idiocy.  Keep American Football in the States.  And let everyone else around the world enjoy “futbol”…and all the 0-0 scores.  But, for the love of God, please just stop trying to “educate the world”.  As for the game, I wonder if any defense will show up?

Los Angeles Rams 86, Kansas City 78.  (Probably really LA 42, KC 38.  But again, you get my point).

Week (against the spread):  1-0

Week (straight up):  1-0

Season (against the spread):  80-69

Season (straight up):  95-54

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Week Nine…

…so I guess it is also official, Jon Gruden and the Oakland Raiders are tanking the season.  Trading several decent players, accumulating first round picks and then getting blasted by a banged up team on Thursday Night Football helmed by an undrafted quarterback that hadn’t yet taken an NFL snap.  Or maybe Al Davis is really still running the Raiders.  Could be a toss-up.  Anyway, on to the rest of the slate:

Atlanta at Washington (-1.5) 

The ‘Skins are on a 3 game win streak, though they aren’t exactly crushing teams.  The Falcons are 0-2 on the road.  Seems like an easy pick here…’cept it’s not.  Not fired up about either team, but feel like Atlanta should be better than they are.  And I don’t know why.  Also have a feeling they come out strong after their bye.  Again, I have no particular reason why.

Atlanta 24, Washington 17.

Kansas City (-8.5) at Cleveland

I don’t think the coaching change to Gregg Williams is going to matter…not in the first week anyway.  Unless he institutes those bounties he was fond of doing in the past.

Kansas City 38, Cleveland 27.

Detroit at Minnesota (-5.5)  

No rhyme or reason with this one either.  Just have a general feeling that the Vikes are due to break out.  The Lions have bounced back from their early season woes.  And it is a divisional game, which are of course tough to handicap sometimes.  But let’s go with the initial hunch.

Minnesota 31, Detroit 20.

Pittsburgh at Baltimore (-3.5) 

The Ravens’ defense finally cracked last week.  I’m sure the Steelers noticed that.

Pittsburgh 34, Baltimore 24.

Chicago (-5.5) at Buffalo

Nathan Peterman!  That’s all.

Chicago 27, Buffalo 10.

Tampa Bay at Carolina (-6.5)

Fitzmagic!  That’s all.

Carolina 37, Tampa Bay 27.

New York Jets at Miami (-3.5) 

Yuck.  Actually, at both teams’ talent level, this may actually turn out to be a whale of a game!  We just wrote about the state of the AFC East however, so we can’t pretend to be excited to watch it.  I’m sure Scotty Hanson of NFL Network will show us the requisite parts of the game on NFL Red Zone, so we can cover it all there.

Miami 23, New York Jets 16.

Los Angeles Chargers at Seattle (-1.5)

This has the makings of a good one, especially with the Seahawks at home.  That’s why we are going the way we are going here, despite the Chargers coming off a bye.

Seattle 34, Los Angeles 31.

Houston at Denver (-2.5) 

Two teams heading in different directions, I would say.  Though the Broncos kept it close enough against Kansas City last week and are at home.  However, the Texans are rolling and have had a week and a half to get ready for the thin air.

Houston 27, Denver 20.

Los Angeles Rams at New Orleans (-1.5)

14-1 combined.  Nice.  The Rams had their first real scare last week.  And if Ty Montgomery wasn’t being a baby and downed the ball in his own end zone like he was told to do by the coaches, Aaron Rodgers may have found a way to win that one.  I don’t think the Rams are going undefeated.  Here’s a pretty convenient spot for them to lose.

New Orleans 62, Los Angeles Rams 54 (ok, maybe not this high scoring, but perhaps would be fun to see?).  

Green Bay at New England (-6.5) 

I’m not sure the Packers are anything special this year.  And they are on the road in a tough place to play.  But with the Patriots’ defensive woes most assuredly far from resolved, I expect the Pack to certainly be in the game.  Plus, seems like a lot of Tom Brady’s weapons aren’t near 100%.  It will be a battle.

New England 30, Green Bay 27.

Tennessee at Dallas (-6.5)  

People made a big deal of Jason Garrett attending a World Series game during the bye week.  I’m not sure it was one.  I mean, if he stayed in Dallas, were the Cowboys somehow going to get better?  Doubtful.  These two teams appear to both be average.  But the Cowboys are at home and off a bye.  And I’m not sure the Titans can actually score much against anyone.

Dallas 23, Tennessee 13.

Week (against the spread):  0-1

Week (straight up):  0-1

Season (against the spread):  62-60

Season (straight up):  77-45

Week Three…

…making this weeks’ picks during the Thursday Night Jets/Browns game while wondering:  1) How Tyrod Taylor could start any game over Baker Mayfield…or any QB for that matter.  2)  Can Mayfield keep this up?  3)  The Jets were the opposition so it could be unlikely Mayfield’s performance actually means squat.  4) even though when Mayfield starts next week against the likely 0-3 Raiders, I can’t help but see one of those 11-35, 134 yards, 1 TD, 4 INT games coming…and even 5) I didn’t hear Jamie Collins’ name much all night.  So did he get his money and make himself invisible like many predicted?  Hmmmmm… Oh yeah, and for the postgame 6)  Future Hall of Fame left tackle Joe Thomas certainly looks just a hair smaller, no?  Funny how that happens…

San Francisco at Kansas City (-6.5)

Is Patrick Mahomes for real?  Is Jimmy Football grossly overpaid and overrated?  Too early to tell for either.  But the Chiefs are tough to beat at home.  They also have some serious weapons.  The Niners appear to have no weapons whatsoever.  Tough schedule for the Niners to start with to boot.  Spread may seem kind of high on the surface.  But it’s probably legit.  Vegas knows…

Kansas City 30, San Francisco 20.

Denver at Baltimore (-5.5)

Speaking of high spreads, Denver is actually 2-0 and Baltimore is 1-1, but their one win was against a pathetic Buffalo Bill team.  So does that really count as a win?  But you know what?  I’m feeling the Ravens.  I have no idea why.

Baltimore 27, Denver 21.

New York Giants at Houston (-5.5) 

The Texans are 0-2.  They are supposed to be in the playoff mix.  Deshaun Watson may not yet be back to full strength.  But maybe this is the week?  G-Men?  Please.

Houston 24, New York Giants 13.

Oakland at Miami (-3.5)

Miami is 2-0.  How fraudulent is that?  Extremely.  But you know what?  It’s going to take time for Jon Gruden to make something of this Raider team, if he even ever does.  So it appears the Dolphins will be 3-0, much to my chagrin.

Miami 20, Oakland 14.

Green Bay (-2.5) at Washington

I have no idea why I am doing what I am doing here.  Let’s leave it at that.

Washington 27, Green Bay 24.

Indianapolis at Philadelphia (-6.5)

I also have no idea why I am doing what I am doing on this one.  Other than the fact that I expect Carson Wentz to be rusty.  That’s all I have.

Philadelphia 24, Indianapolis 23.

Cincinnati at Carolina (-3.5)

Is anyone buying the Bengals’ 2-0 start?  I’m not sure I can.  Despite the fact they are playing the abundantly average Panthers.

Carolina 20, Cincinnati 16.

Tennessee at Jacksonville (-6.5) 

Marcus Mariota may play, he may not.  Will it matter?  Well, it should be worse with Blaine Gabbert at the helm.  Will Jax have a letdown after their apparent Super Bowl win over the Patriots in Week Two?  Perhaps.  But again…Gabbert…

Jacksonville 38, Tennessee 17.

New Orleans at Atlanta (-3.5) 

There are “experts” that picked the Saints to go to the Super Bowl.  That may well still happen.  But a pretty uninspiring start to the season.  Speaking of uninspiring starts to the season, you can very well say the Falcons fall into that group as well.  That all being said, I feel like this is where New Orleans start ramping it up.  I don’t know why I feel that way.  It’s Week Three for the Blowhard after all.  We don’t have all the answers yet either.

New Orleans 31, Atlanta 24.

Buffalo at Minnesota (-16.5) 

The Bills are REALLY bad.  The Vikes are mad after their stupid tie last week and they went out and got a new kicker.  But he won’t matter this week.

Minnesota 52, Buffalo 10.  

Los Angeles Chargers at Los Angeles Rams (-7.5) 

The Chargers seem to have a pretty good team.  The Rams have been absolutely otherworldly so far this season.  One thing is for sure…is there really going to be any “home field advantage”?

Los Angeles Rams 31, Los Angeles Chargers 27.

Dallas at Seattle (-2.5) 

No way the Seahawks go 0-3.  Being at home after two road games to start the year should take care of that.

Seattle 30, Dallas 17.  

Chicago (-5.5) at Arizona  

The Cardinals have scored 6 points in 2 games.  SIX.  And given up 58.  ‘Nuff said.

Chicago 27, Arizona 13.

New England (-6.5) at Detroit

The Patriots, per usual, are finding their way the first month of the season.  Will the rest of the season be different based on all the crap going on down in Foxborough these days?  Maybe.  But not this week.  Matty Patricia is having his own issues in Detroit.  That being said, the Pats defense apparently still is putrid.  Two of their better players in Trey Flowers and Patrick Chung are unlikely to play this week.  Eric Rowe is likely to play, which is bad enough, but he also apparently has a tender groin.  So the Lions should put up some points I would imagine.  Whether Josh Gordon plays or not, I think this is the week the Pats offense makes some real noise as well.

New England 41, Detroit 31.

Pittsburgh (-1.5) at Tampa Bay

Fitzmagic has had a nice run.  The Bucs are 2-0 and are at home.  The Steelers have been scuffling to start the season.  Le’Veon Bell is still not in the building.  You know what that means.

Pittsburgh 38, Tampa Bay 27.

Week (against the spread):  0-1

Week (straight up):  0-1

Season (against the spread):  13-20

Season (straight up):  16-17

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